BorisVM |
1. Only in America......can a pizza get
to your house faster than an
ambulance.
2. Only in America......are there
handicap parking places in front
of a skating rink.
3. Only in America......do drugstores
make the sick walk all the way
to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people
can buy cigarettes at the front.
4. Only in America......do people order
double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.
5. Only in America......do banks leave
both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.
6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.
7. Only in America......do we use
answering machines to screen calls
and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.
8. Only in America......do we buy hot
dogs in packages of ten and
buns in packages of eight. (THIS ONE ALWAYS BUGGED ME!)
9. Only in America......do we use the
word 'politics' to describe
the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.
10. Only in America......do they have
drive-up ATM machines with Braille
lettering.
EVER WONDER ~~~~
Why the sun lightens our hair, but
darkens our skin?
Why women can't put on mascara with
their mouth closed?
Why don't you ever see the headline
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you
have to click on "Start"?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial
flavor, and dishwashing
liquid is made with real lemons?
Why is the man who invests all your
money called a broker?
Why is the time of day with the slowest
traffic called rush hour?
Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
When dog food is new and improved
tasting, who tests it?
Why didn't Noah swat those two
mosquitoes?
Why do they sterilize the needle for
lethal injections?
You know that indestructible black box
that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?
If con is the opposite of pro, is
Congress the opposite of progress?
If flying is so safe, why do they call
the airport the terminal?
In case you needed further proof that
the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while
sleeping. ( and that's the only time I
have to work on my hair.)
On a bag of Fritos: .You could be a
winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use
like regular soap." (and that would
be how??...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on
bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh!)
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after
heating." (...and you thought????...)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do
not drive a car or operate machinery
after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause
drowsiness." (and... I'm taking
this because???....)
On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)
On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning:
contains nuts." (Talk about a news
Flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
On a child's superman costume: "Wearing
of this garment does not enable
you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
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