| Funny Emails | |
| mafisKumA | NEVER SAY TO A COP 1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas) 2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in. 3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People? 4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 145 mph to keep up with me. Good job! 5. Are You Andy or Barney? 6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer. 7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you? 8. I pay your salary! 9. Gee, Office r! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too! 10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does. 11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are. 12. When the Officer says "Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?" |
| mafisKumA | "Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well for example, the other day I went into town and went to a shop in Lake street. I was only in there for about 5 minutes. When I came out there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. I went up to him and said, "Come on mate, how about giving a senior a break?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. I called him a Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres. So I called him a piece of dog shit. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. Personally, I didn't give a shit. I came into town by bus. I try to have a little fun each day now that I'm retired. It's important at my age." |
| mafisKumA | Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices, with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands... |
| mafisKumA | Here's a thought .... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting medical studies. Facts: 1. Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans. 2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans. 3. Africans drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans. 4. Italians drink large amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans. 5. Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Australians, British or Americans. Conclusion: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you. |
| desijat84 | YOU KNOW YOU ARE MACEDONIAN WHEN: a.your grandfather always has a shot of 'rakija' for breakfast b.even if you are a girl, your parents (who can't remember your name)call you 'sine' c.your uncle makes his own wine that's stronger than 'rakija' d.your mother insists that 'promaja' will kill you e.your mother insists you must eat something with 'sirenje' at least f.you use 'rakija' to cure all illnesses, celebrate all occasions as a massage or shaving lotion g.you celebrate Christmas, Easter and New Year two weeks after everyone else h.your 'baba' will not accept the fact that you are not hungry i.you go to a restaurant and bring your own drinks j.you go to you're 'baba's' house, she offers you 'supa', 'sarma','piperki' or 'kolbasi' and gets upset when you don't eat EVERYTHIN k.when you have four pairs of 'vlecki' in your wardrobe l.all other action stops when you hear the music of 'Ogan da go gori'or 'biser balkanski' m.when your mum calls you 'stoka' n.there's a slab of fat in your fridge called 'SLANINA' o.your parents still prefer to buy tapes rather than CDs p.your mum has a whole pharmacy in her medicine cabinet q.your parents think everything is a conspiracy r.you definitely know you are a 'Macho' when you mix 'Kisela voda'with 'Smederevka' at a local 'birtija' s.you have at least a whole 'tendzere' left over with food after the whole family has eaten t.everyone asks you how much money you made on your wedding night u.your wife has to make you food everyday and if she doesn't she is not a 'domakinka' v.your parents invite 500 people over to your house because it is your 'slava' w. your parents can eat 'luti piperki' like chocolate and not break out on a sweat x.the house has to be vacuumed at least ten times a week y.after a late night out with your mates on a Friday night, your mum comes into your room at 8.00 in the morning and vacuums your rooms and tells you to get up because it's almost lunch time z.your fridge always has more beer than food, just in case 'gosti'came over aa.you always bargain at the market and try to get discountsab. ab.your friends call you 'peder!'. |
| mafisKumA | DICTIONARY FOR DECODING WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish................................49. Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone. Athletic...............................No breasts. Average looking....................Moooo. Beautiful..............................Pathological liar. Emotionally Secure................On medication. Feminist................................Fat. Free spirit............................Junkie. Friendship first......................Former slut. New-Age............................Body hair in the wrong places. Old-fashioned.......................No BJs. Open-minded.......................Desperate. Outgoing.............................Loud and Embarrassing. Professional..........................Bitch. Voluptuous..........................Very Fat. Large frame.........................Hugely Fat. Wants Soul mate..................Stalker. WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want 5. I am sorry = You'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later. 9. I am not upset = Of course, I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you. 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you. 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you. 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you. 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay |