kompjuterski :-)))
kompjuterski :-)))
slasa Customer: "One of my friends gave me an ImageWriter printer and this keyboard. He said he gave me all the cables, but I can't figure out how to connect them. Am I missing something?" Tech Support: "Well, a computer would help." Customer: "You mean this keyboard isn't a word processor?" Tech Support: "No ma'am, its just an input device." Customer: "Then I need to buy a computer, right?" Tech Support: "Yes." Customer: "Do you think I'll need a monitor, too?" Customer: "Do I need a monitor? I have everything else." Tech Support: "Yes, ma'am." Customer: "Why? That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard of." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- On one occasion, a lady came into the store, apparently interested in buying a home computer. After surveying the models on display, she walked over to one and pointed to the monitor and keyboard saying, "I think I need one of these, and one of those...." She then pointed to the CPU and continued, "...but I don't think I need one of those." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, I had one event happen to me, where one lady had just bought a Apple IIc and complained that she was having problems with her monitor, so we told her to bring her monitor in, and we'd check it out. So she brings her monitor in, and we plug it in, and it works without a flaw. We tell her that the monitor isn't the problem, and to bring her CPU in. She stares at us blankly, and asks, "What's the CPU?" Joe explains that it's the piece of equipment that all your devices plug into. So about twenty minutes later, she returns and walks in carrying the surge supressor. When we explained to her the item that we needed her to bring in, she replied, "Oh you mean the keyboard!" (On Apple IIc's, the CPU box and keyboard are part of the same unit.) And to make this all the more interesting, she was a gradeschool computer class instructor. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Back in the mid-eighties, the high school I went to had just purchased a handful of 8086s along with some basic hardware -- at that time these things still were horribly expensive. A few weeks later, the computer lab was broken into and some of the hardware stolen. But the computers themselves had been left untouched: only the monitors and keyboards were gone. Apparently, the only computers the thieves had known were C64s or Apple II's, where the computer and keyboard are part of the same unit. Imagine the frustration when these guys tried to get the stolen machines to work! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was one of a group of students who would help other students and teachers at my high school with computer problems. One day I got a call from a teacher saying that her computer was not working at all. I went to her room to find a perfectly good Mac PowerPC on her desk. With one problem. Me: "Excuse me, ma'am. Where's the keyboard?" Teacher: "Oh, it's over there in my travel bag." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man who owned a small business asked me to program a sales and inventory system for him. He was replacing his old 286 PC and had been running a DOS-based program. He wanted all the bells and whistles, wanted it browser-driven, with images of all the products in his inventory. But the most important thing to him was that it all run off of floppies -- his 286's hard drive had crashed in the past and he lost all his records, so now he didn't trust hard drives. Not only did he want the whole thing on floppies, he wanted to be able to do a backup onto one floppy every night. The other thing was that he didn't want to use a mouse or any other sort of pointing device. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A while back, a friend of mine and I were discussing his new computer when he made a comparison to another friend's computer and said, "I know mine's better because it's bigger." I had a hard time not laughing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I went with a friend to help him shop for a computer. Looking through the different varieties, he said, "I don't think I can afford one of these big ones [desktop machines]. I think I'll have to go with one of these little ones [laptops]." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was advising a friend on a used PC she was considering buying from a friend. I asked the friend if it was a Pentium PC, and he laughed, "All computers have Pentium processors!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A few years ago I was watching TV with a few other people in my college dorm lounge. A commercial for the Pentium II came on. That prompted one of the girls to ask everyone, "Ok, what the heck does that Pentium thing DO in a computer, anyway?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was in our University Bookstore the other day looking at software when I overheard a salesman talking to a lady about an iMac. Salesman: "It has a built in color monitor and comes with a mouse and keyboard--" Customer: "Does this thing come with a battery backup system?" Salesman: "No, but we have one over there for $99.00. Do you have problems with power outages?" Customer: "No, but I don't want to lose all of my Microsoft documents everytime I turn off the computer!" Salesman: "You don't need a battery backup for that. That's why it has a 4 gigabyte hard drive." Customer: "A hard what?" Salesman: "A hard drive. It's like a whole bunch of floppy disks inside your computer that you can store documents on." Customer: "I want the battery backup." Salesman: "You don't need it." Customer: "Why?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Friend: "My 486 is getting too slow; I want to upgrade it. Do you think a couple megabyte SmartDrive would help?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I own a computer store. One day, two policemen came into the store and told that they owned a 486 and a 286. They asked if a 486 and a 286 could be assembled together into a 686. I replied to the dumb request by asking them if two 200 horsepower police cars can be used to make up a 400 horsepower Ferrari. The policemen didn't get it and replied angrily that altering car engines is strictly forbidden by law. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I was working on my computer one day, and one of my friends came up to me. He said, in a tone that suggested he thought my computer was inferior to his, "Is your computer DIGITAL?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I burned a CD with some multimedia stuff on it for a friend of a friend. He couldn't get them working, because, it turned out, he had a 486 with 8 megs of RAM. Him: "How come they don't work?" Me: "You need a new motherboard, CPU, case, power supply, lots more RAM, and maybe a new video card." Him: "Can you download them for me?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Customer: "I'd like to buy 2.5 gigabyte hard disk for my 286." The machine didn't even have an IDE controller, so I had to explain there was no way he could get the disk. Customer: "OK, I'LL GET IT FROM SOMEONE ELSE THEN!"
slasa Tech Support: "What version of Eudora are you using?" Customer: "Navigator 3.0."
slasa One time I had to walk a Windows 95 user through a particular procedure. Me: "First you need to open DOS-prompt. I'll guide you--" Customer: "MY COMPUTER DOES NOT HAVE DOS! YOU THINK I RUN THAT ANCIENT SOFTWARE?" (click)
slasa Overheard in a software shop: Woman #1: "What this Linux thing?" Woman #2: "It's a program that if you have it on your computer, you can't turn the computer off." Woman #1: "Oh."
slasa Customer: "I installed Windows 98 on my computer, and it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Ok, what happens when you turn on your computer?" Customer: "Boy, are you listening? I said it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Well, what happens when you TRY to turn it on?" Customer: "Look, I'm not a computer person. Talk regular English, not this computer talk, ok?" Tech Support: "Ok, let's assume your computer is turned off, and you just sat down in front of it, and want to use it. What do you do?" Customer: "Don't talk like I'm stupid, boy. I turn it on." Tech Support: "And then what happens?" Customer: "What do you mean?" Tech Support: "Does anything appear on your monitor? I mean, the TV part." Customer: "The same thing I saw last time I tried." Tech Support: "And that is what?" Customer: "Are you sure you know what you're doing?" Tech Support: "Yes, sir. What is on your screen?" Customer: "A bunch of little pictures." Tech Support: "Ok, in the upper left corner, do you see 'My Computer'." Customer: "No, all I see is that little red circle thing with the chunk out of it." Tech Support: "You mean an apple?" Customer: "I guess it kind of looks like an apple." Then it took me fifteen minutes to convince him that he had a Mac. Even after showing him "About this Macintosh." I spent another fifteen minutes trying to convince him that Windows 98 wouldn't work on his Mac. He said it should work because Windows 98 is for PCs, and he had a PowerPC. I think he's still trying to get it to read that CD, because I never could convince him.
slasa A user called who had lost a document. Thinking at first that we could restore it from a backup tape, my colleague started asking some standard questions. Me: "Okay, when did you lose the document?" User: "I don't know. I wrote it about a year or so ago." Me: "When did you write it?" User: "I don't know." Me: "Was the document deleted?" User: "I don't think so. It's on the server somewhere." Me: "Which network drive did you save it to?" User: "I don't know." Me: "Well, what is the name of the document?" User: "I don't know. It was too long ago!" Me: "Can you tell me what client it referred to?" User: "No." Me: "Ummm, well, there are several hundred thousand documents on the servers, so unless we have some more information about the document, it's going to be tough to find." User: "But, can't you just restore it from the backup? I really need this document!" Me: "What kind of document was it?" User: "It was a fax, and I don't want to have to type it again!" This is what scares me: the user had likely wasted more time on the phone call than she would have needed to type up the fax anew -- as it turned out, it wasn't more than two or three pages.
slasa Him: "I can download games like Quake and play them during lunch, you know." Me: "We're only allowed 10 megs in our accounts, and the system administrators would notice you downloading a large file." Him: "Nah, I could hack it so he couldn't." Me: "Ah, so you are into hacking. By the way do you know any programming languages?" Him: "Yeah, of course." Me: "Which ones?" Him: "I can't tell you or else you'll use them." Me: "Just by mentioning C++ or Pascal or whatever will not instantly make me a genius with those languages." Him: "Oh sorry, I didn't understand you. Yeah, I know C++ and Pascal." Me: "What compiler do you use?" Him: "Well, Qbasic is my favorite." Me: "Nobody over the age of eight uses QBasic for serious purposes." Him: "But they made windows with QBasic." I almost cried laughing.
slasa I teach a C programming course. For one of the assignments, somebody once copied a program verbatim from a fellow student who did the course two years before. He did pay attention, though: following the updated course material, which said that 'main' should return an error code, he changed: void main (...) { ... } to: int void main (...) { ... } Needless to say, the program didn't even
slasa A member of America Online called me (a member of the tech support staff for an Internet service provider with no affiliation with AOL) asking what her email address was. After figuring out she wasn't registered with us, I politely pointed out that we were not America Online and she might get a better answer to her problem if she called the American Online support number. Customer: "Oh, so I should call them?" Tech Support: "Yes, they will probably be able to help you more than I can." Customer: "But you're an Internet Service Provider! It says so right here in the phone book! If you don't want to help me fine. Thank you, have a good day." [click]
WhoElse ti ne si normalen re : ) kako samo ne ti e maka :DDD
Originally posted by WhoElse
ti ne si normalen re : ) kako samo ne ti e maka :DDD
ako de se se desava .. citakj pa smejse
slasa This little bit of Java was written as part of a group project at university. The friend who passed it to me has been bouncing off the walls about the quality of the guilty party's code (silly things like defining error and success codes with the same value so you don't know what the return code means and stuff like that), but this is the most obviously stupid bit. public int convertItoi(Integer v) { if (v.intValue()==1) return 1; if (v.intValue()==2) return 2; if (v.intValue()==3) return 3; if (v.intValue()==4) return 4; if (v.intValue()==5) return 5; if (v.intValue()==6) return 6; if (v.intValue()==7) return 7; return 0; }
slasa An introductory programming student once asked me to look at his program and figure out why it was always churning out zeroes as the result of a simple computation. I looked at the program, and it was pretty obvious: begin readln("Number of Apples", apples); readln("Number of Carrots", carrots); readln("Price for 1 Apple", a_price); readln("Price for 1 Carrot", c_price); writeln("Total for Apples", a_total); writeln("Total for Carrots", c_total); writeln("Total", total); total := a_total + c_total; a_total := apples * a_price; c_total := carrots + c_price; end; Me: "Well, your program can't print correct results before they're computed." Him: "Huh? It's logical what the right solution is, and the computer should reorder the instructions the right way."
slasa At my previous job, we were porting a UNIX system to Windows NT using Microsoft VC++. A colleague of mine, that was in the process of porting his portion of the code, came to me, looking really upset. Colleague: "Hey! I hate these Microsoft guys! What a rotten compiler! It only accepts 16,384 local variables in a function
slasa Years ago, I put a simple, fortune cookie style program out on an FTP site. It was too simplistic to look at environment variables or configuration files to look for the location of the fortune cookie database file; the path was compiled into the executable. I provided the source, so if you wanted to change the path it was installed in, you had to change it in the source file and recompile. Since I put it out, every so often I'll get an email message commenting on it. Recently, I received a message asking for help trying to get the thing to work. He couldn't get the executable to find the database file properly. I answered him, and he mailed back saying nothing helped. I mailed him again, saying that the readme file which was included in the archive should have very detailed instructions. He mailed me back saying the readme file didn't help him. So he mailed me the source code file, asked me to change it to the way it should be, then mail it back to him. I told him, but as I was typing in my final reply, a horrific thought occurred to me. So I asked: Me: "I assume you have a C compiler, right?" User: "What's a C compiler??????/ I've been editing it using the DOS editor."
slasa A "software engineer" I used to work with once had a problem with his code that looked something like this: a_pointer->fn(); It caused a General Protection error. He knew C, but not C++ -- I did, so he asked me for help. I told him to check to see if the pointer was NULL before making the call. A couple of hours later he came back; the problem was still happening. if (a_pointer == NULL) { LogError(); } a_pointer->fn(); I said, "You need a return statement after the LogError call." He said, thoughtfully, "Where does it return to?"
slasa A friend of mine wanted to keep track of the other users on the UNIX systems of our university. There is a nice command "last" on UNIX which will list the last users to have logged in. So he wrote a script that'd log in to all workstations of the department by remote shell and run the "last" command, with the results sent back to the originating host, to be collected in aggregate form. He called this little script "last" -- same name as the UNIX system command -- and put it in his home directory. His path was set up so his home directory had a higher precedence than the UNIX bin directories. So when he ran the "last" command, it would use his own script instead of the system command. So he ran the script. It logged in to all the other workstations just fine. Then it ran the "last" command -- the one in his home directory, of course, not the system command. You can guess what happened. It got in an infinite loop that tried to log into every workstation an infinite number of times. This very effectively nuked off the whole department, and all workstations had to be shut down for it to stop.
slasa Friend: "I'm going to leave AOL. I think I'll switch to Netscape." Me: "Um, Netscape isn't a way to get on the Internet. It's what lets you look at the Internet. You need an Internet Service Provider like AOL, CompuServe, or AT&T Worldnet." Friend: "Oh. I guess I'll get Internet Explorer."
slasa One of our customers, a major non-US defense contractor, complained that their code ran too slowly. It was a comedy of errors. Act I Contractor: "Can you make our code run faster?" Tech Support: "Yes, but we have to take a look at it." Contractor: "We can't, the code is classified." Tech Support: "Can you explain to me what your code is doing?" Contractor: "No, that's classified." Tech Support: "Can you tell us what functions you use?" Contractor: "No that's classified." Act II So, on a hunch, we sent them the latest version of our software for Windows NT. Contractor: "Why is this running faster on our 800MHz Pentium than on our VAX?" Tech Support: "When did you buy that VAX?" Contractor: "Some time in the late 1980s." Act III Finally, some of their code was declassified. We looked at it, and one piece of it contained a routine for reading one million or so integers from a file. Rather than opening the file once and reading them all in, there was a loop: it would open the file, read the first integer, and close it; then open it again, read the second integer, and close it; etc.
Thunder from down under amerikancite za grevota se be, od niv poglup narod nemat nikade
bliznak it is a privilege to be born Macedonian :D
slasa Friend: "What have you got in there?" Me: "A Pentium III 800." Friend: "What, is that like five mice?"
slasa Tech Support: "What type of systems do you have?" Customer: "I have four. A Pentium 200, a Pentium 66, a Pentium 33, and a laptop." Tech Support: "I don't think Intel ever made a Pentium 33." Customer: "It's a 486 Pentium." Tech Support: "Um, did you mean to say 486SX or 486DX?" Customer: "It's a 486DX Pentium."
slasa Tech Support: "How fast is your modem?" Customer: "I don't know, it's got a Pentium chip in it."
slasa Tech Support: "What operating system are you running?" Customer: "Pentium."
slasa While working in a small computer store one day I had a customer walk quickly into the store and right up to the counter. Customer: "I want to buy a mainframe." Me: (playing along with the "joke") "I think I have a couple of them out back." Customer: "Good. I need a mainframe because I want to learn how to program in COBOL. I'd prefer a Pentium mainframe, if you have one of those."
slasa Received by email: Dear Creater of this good game, I like your game and I wish I could play it more but I can't. I could play it just fine the very first times I tried. But now I cant cause I put in a name and password it loads like for 5 minutes then a BRRIINNNK noise pops my speakers and a word thing popped up and said something wierd like Operation Collapsed or something like that. Please write me back!!!